


Yours, always and forever

by Luvy



Category: The Haunting of Bly Manor (TV)
Genre: F/F, Jamie misses dani because she is GAY, Love Letters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 07:15:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29060400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luvy/pseuds/Luvy
Summary: A letter written from Jamie to Dani a year after she died.
Relationships: Dani Clayton & Jamie
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	Yours, always and forever

**Author's Note:**

> this is just a little idea I had and decided to write

My love,

Come home. 

Dani. Dani. Dani. Dani. Dani.

Sorry. I needed to write that. I miss you, Poppins. I miss you. Do you hear?

My whole body aches because of how much it misses you, dear. I could write it a hundred times and still feel the same. My lungs are thick with the smoke of your absence.

Why don’t you come home? 

I’m here waiting for you. I’ll always be here. 

The plants we grew together still lie on the windowsill, growing. Those plants know you better than the others - they know you the way I do. I talk to them. Sometimes they talk back. They tell me how much they miss you. Everything seems to miss you.

That little girl that you said reminded you of me still comes into the shop, less and less these days, it seems. She says she misses you. Everything misses you. Your absence spreads like ivy. 

That’s another thing, isn’t it? You will always be alive if the memories of you are. And believe me, my darling, I wouldn’t trade a damn thingif it meant getting rid of those memories of you. They are ours. _Ours._

Do you remember that day, last summer, when the rain was heavy and merciless? You took my hand, looked me in the eyes with that maddening gaze of yours that you adopted whenever you had a wonderful idea blooming. Then we went outside and danced together to the rhythm of the rain, the rhythm of the earth, the rhythm of our hearts. We danced and smiled and kissed. We were happy, then.

I keep that day in my heart, and revisit it whenever I’m sad. Sometimes I’ll remember other things, and I’ll cry for hours because of what we lost. But what we had in that time will always, _always_ outweigh the loss. 

We built a home together - this is where many of our memories were created, but not where they are stored. They are stored in the dark walls of my heart. This home of ours is where I will remain for the next few years. Then, who knows? We are still on our little adventure. We always will be.

Perhaps it’s that you can’t go back in time, but you can return to the scenes of love. Places are what remain, are what you can possess, are what is immortal. 

Like the kitchen - the familiar smell of vanilla in the little corner of our house where we kissed, twirled, and called home. That’s where you came to me, with that plant, the ring, and a promise. A promise that hasn’t been broken, my love. A promise that will never be broken. 

I remember that day so vividly. Your skin smelt carelessly of coffee, and a calm breeze fluttered through the window. Your radiant grin was a feature I tucked away in my mind, one I still remember with joy.

Death did not do us ‘part, because even though you are gone, my love for you still shines bright enough to obliterate the stars.

Stars: you _loved_ the stars. I am remembering every moment we shared under the stars and smiling as I write this, love. I still lie under them, recalling the feel of your head on my stomach whenever the sky was clear and the night was warm enough to appreciate the beauty of the glimmering constellations. And so I named the stars, one by one, after every favourite memory of you. 

Every sole memory made with you was a good one. Even the dark ones, because the light of you always soothed the roar, even if we couldn’t see it too clearly back then. 

We invented things, you and I.

Oh Dani. It’s been a year and I am still surprised when I open my eyes in the morning and find my body in an empty bed. All through the night you never leave my head, yet you are always gone by morning. I miss your arms around me, or the way you’d instinctively try to burrow into my back on cold nights. Weirdo. 

I still find strands of your hair on my jackets, you know? I donated some of your clothes to the charity shop, because I know that’s what you’d want. The rest I kept - they still smell of you. I wear your jackets when I am lonely, and sometimes it feels as if you are still here, embracing me.

My darling. I love you. I love you. I always have and I always will - the rest is confetti. You are too tangled in my soul to ever be unloved by me. I fell in love with you from the moment our wandering eyes fell together and found an anchor in that kitchen at Bly. That afternoon, our souls decided that we would love each other eternally. I remember focusing on your face and falling. And I will forever be in love with you.

So I thank you. I thank you for teaching me how to love. How to love purely and honestly, with nothing bad or malicious ever arising between us. The miracles we know, no one knows. No one knows the way we love, and for this I will always be grateful.

Our souls touched and we found the cosmos, you and I - this is given only once. 

I am feeling very quiet, in this moment, as I look out across the city that prepares itself for the night. It is good to just sit still and look out the window with the propagated plant that you had gifted to me when you proposed relaxing beside me. This plant will always carry an important part of you - I want it to surround me, like your love once did. Tonight I will go to bed early, and I will think of you, as I do every minute of every day. You are what I’m going to dream about.

I will see you in the next life. And I will love you, Poppins. I’d let you win my heart in every single universe, because you are my anchor, you are my home. I’ll find you and choose you. 

I think it will be nice to fall in love with you all over again. 

Yours, always and forever, 

J x


End file.
